Henry’s Legacy - A Mindful Approach to Dementia & Psychedelics

Henry’s passing unfolded in the way he had wished: at home, in a peaceful and meditative environment, free from pain and medication in his final days. I’d like to think Henry somehow orchestrated it all.

As in his case, as well as so many others, mistakes were made in the emergency room, and human error occurred. If following logical reasoning, a case could be made to point blame to a few medically questionable events.

However, a deeper conviction carried me through these mishaps: that Henry put things in place that allowed for the dying process he wanted. As captured in the words shared in our journey, we met our lives and their challenges with open hearts and minds. We tried, to the best of our ability, through heartache, difficult discussions, vulnerable emotions, hard decisions, and patience in the unknowing of it all, to face what was before us.

Henry did not sit on his laurels and wait for whatever was to happen. Just the opposite: there were many discussions about Alzheimer’s, about death, and end of life. He also chose, with even more acute intention, to ensure his time was filled with what mattered most, ensuring the focus of the day and night was conducive to deep contemplative practice. I believe Henry’s personal willpower met destiny to unfold karmically in the way it did.

The age-old question of destiny versus personal will is important when reaching the end of life. Henry’s courage to meet his present circumstances illustrates how fear can melt into acceptance, denial into embrace, anxiety into hope. Having the willpower to do so changed the course of his life, the dying process, and his ultimate death.

Sharing our narrative—one of positivity and open-heartedness—is particularly important when faced with Alzheimer’s. We were never victims. If feeling so, then the heart closes inward, the mind less spacious. Mindfulness is rooted in gratitude, and gratitude is rooted in the expansiveness of the heart. It is not always easy to find this expansive acceptance when hearing the word Alzheimer’s. Yet Henry and I were determined to only allow a shared narrative to be one that supported our own outlook. If you are reading these words, then I hope his legacy has brought the expansiveness of mindfulness in support of your journey.

It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge that an Alzheimer’s pharmaceutical caused Henry's death. The significance of this as the cause of his death is not lost on me. Was it a cosmic joke? Was it his way of illustrating the benefits of microdosing were literally a matter of life and death? Could it be a way of ensuring Henry’s legacy to advocate for microdosing for those with dementia?

Henry’s experience also raises meaningful questions about the role of alternative approaches, including microdosing. Throughout his illness, he consistently found greater benefit from microdosing than from prescribed medications, which often produced difficult side effects. In fact, I believe the official cause of death from a pharmaceutical was Henry’s last testament to the power of microdosing.

If so, then Henry has left us a lasting legacy. By sharing his own journey and dying in the way he did, he made his life an offering until the very end. I hope to continue his legacy with advocacy for mindful microdosing and more.

You may ask why Henry even tried a pharmaceutical. So did I. For a few years, every time his doctor recommended an Alzheimer’s medication, Henry declined. Yet over time, Henry finally acquiesced. On three occasions, he agreed “to give it a try.” Was this pressure from his doctor? Was it Henry wanting to please his doctor? Is it the nature of a doctor-patient relationship? Was it that Henry’s power of discernment was diminishing? Was it his hope that he could kick Alzheimer’s? I will never know. What I do know is that Henry’s courage and grace throughout this process—his openness, discernment, and willingness to explore—form an important part of his legacy.

We are at the cusp of major change toward access to plant medicines such as ibogaine and psilocybin since the executive order in the United States fast-tracking these and other psychedelics. Laws do impact attitude. As part of this executive order is the ability to petition for the Right To Try Act. Henry and I pursued this option but quickly learned it would be all but impossible for him to legally petition to use psilocybin as a microdose. With this new order, people with dementia may pursue their Right To Try as a way to access microdosing legally. Though Henry was not able to access psychedelics included in the executive order in a legal manner, a main purpose of sharing a mindful journey of dementia and psychedelics was to demystify the use of psychedelics, especially for microdosing, and especially for its consideration for the elderly who may have dementia.

I am hopeful that attitudes towards psychedelics will change, especially as we see dramatic improvement in many health conditions, including degenerative ones like Alzheimer’s. However, mindfulness remains the heart compass that can support the unfolding journey along with the use of psychedelics. Cultivating more understanding generated from a place of curiosity, equanimity, non-grasping, loving-kindness, mindful awareness, deep wisdom, and other qualities can become the grounding force of the path ahead. Intentionally cultivating mindfulness nourishes such a path. Psychedelics alone may have helpful therapeutic benefits, yet combined with a mindful approach to life’s journey, can have profoundly positive outcomes.

At the beginning of sharing our mindful journey of dementia and psychedelics, I had no idea what was to unfold. Now that Henry’s life and my journey as a caregiver have come to an end, I can honestly say that our original intent weaved its way throughout: sharing our journey through the lens of mindfulness and the respectful, educated, and reverent use of microdosing.

Henry’s steadiness of grace in this journey has fundamentally shifted my own fear of receiving a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. What I have witnessed is the acceptance of a degenerative condition paving the way for the heart to turn inward and find peace. Embracing the fullness of the human experience with the wisdom and compassion to also embrace its ending, while still cognizant of this choice, is a graceful exit.

To me, this is Henry’s legacy. It will live on in me, in the essence of my being.

I hope this shared journey has touched you in ways that cultivate greater well-being in yours. In that way, Henry’s advocacy to let his life be an offering is another legacy.

- Lauren Alderfer, PhD.